i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
