He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
