the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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