There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
