I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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