Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
