somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
