OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
