I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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