We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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