Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
