How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
