don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
