For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
