I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
