508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
