I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
