I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
as a side note pls kill me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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