God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
