Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
