you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
