Don't you send me to vm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How's work?
Spinning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
