Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
