The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
