there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
