I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
