just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
