i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
