you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
