My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everything about him screamed your future.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
