The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
