the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
