You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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