Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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