Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
