He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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