Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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