and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
