Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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