considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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