census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't deserve a penis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't trust your balls anymore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
