Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
