i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
