so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
