So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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