Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
