No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
