Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
