i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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