my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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