Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
